Dear Sirs and Madams,
I would like to apply for citizenship of your great state. As a Tipperary person this application comes at great personal risk, and therefore I’d also like this request to be considered in the greatest of confidence.
It has become clear to me that Cork people, and those who live in Cork, are the finest of people, paragons of wit and intellect, eidolons of learning and experience. While you are however all quite ugly, I believe it can benefit you to bring in some fresh genes from the handsome people of Tipperary to improve the stock. I respectfully point you to this image as a demonstration of the finest Tipperary has to offer. And after all, you’ve left Australians and Americans in!
p.s. Tipperary has no coastline. I like water.