I split what was originally a single list, because well, if you are writing every week for over four and half years, you need to make your ideas count. Also, I found that the original draft just kept growing and likely will continue to so do, so this will easily allow me to add another part at some point in the future. (Which is already started).
- No food in the world tastes as good as [Dooley’s fish n’ chips in Tramore] after a marathon swim. This works for your preferred location and fast food.
- The water is always rougher than it looks and the wind is always higher.
- But it was better yesterday.
- Chocolate, coffee and porridge is practically a balanced diet.
- Nothing is better than porridge, (even if you hate it).
- Every marathon swimmer should crew at least once in their life to appreciate how essential the role of crew is to our swimming.
- It’s not the length of the
warswim, but the depth of the foxholepain of the training and who you share it with that counts.
- Marathon swimming is exactly like childbirth. You don’t know exactly when it’ll start, how long it’s going to go on for, or how much pain will be involved. You may also beg for drugs and try to punch someone. And it’s all forgotten mere minutes after the event is over. I make this comparison with absolute male certainty.
- You have never farted like you have farted after six hours or more of liquid maltodextrin feeds.
- The patch of warm water that embraces you, punishes you worse when you leave it. So it’s not entirely unlike divorce.
- The way a marathon swimmer looks after six hours in sub-ten or eleven degree water is good evidence of the evolutionary link between humans and apes.
- The way a marathon swimmer looks after 14 hours or more in salt water is good evidence of the close link between humans and whales.
- All Carb/maltodextrin costs twice as much as you think after you have thrown out all the prepared but unused feeds.
- When forced to poop while in the sea, make sure the wind and tide are going in the opposite direction you are and that there’s no-one behind you.
- No swim ever goes 100% to plan. Ever.
- The people who ask “why” will never understand your answer. The people who understand, will never ask.
7 thoughts on “More brief lessons from marathon swimming – II – Marathon swimming is like childbirth”
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“Marathon swimming … definitely like child birth .. I’ve gone from crying and saying never again to wondering how I would feel had the conditions been better … only one way to find out I guess .. 2015 ..” – Michelle – posted on Facebook after completing Windermere. 😉
Yeah Phil, I don’t think it was the most original thought I’ve had!
That’s a fantastic term! I’ll add that to my Open Water Swimming Dictionary (https://loneswimmer.com/2014/01/31/a-cynical-devils-dictionary-of-open-water-swimming/) and credit you! And welcome to the club, Channel Swimmer! Congrats!
Inclusion in the dictionary: prouder than when I stood on a rock at Cap Gris Nez! One happy AquaCae
Let’s not get carried away there Channel Swimmer!
We have a portmanteau for a how a swimmer looks after multiple hours in cold saltwater… Swugly: when you’ve swum yourself ugly.
We all have photographic evidence!