I Touched Your Foot

Image showing Walter from Teh Big lebowski movie holding a gun with the substitle Lane Swimming Rules, - More Important THan The Ten Commandments

I touched your foot.

I didn’t grab it or stroke it.

I’m not a weirdo.

During the lap.

It was just a tap.

On your toes.


You probably jumped.

I’m sorry.

I’m not really sorry.

I just wanted to pass.

Because I’m not fast,

But you are more not fast.

And I wanted to get past.

But you turned in front of me.

At the wall.

And that’s not all.

You’re doing granny stroke,

Impeding this bloke.

Why are you yelling?

I touched your toes.

I never mentioned

Your kick to my nose.

You knew I was there,

And you didn’t care.

So I touched your foot.

Please let me past.

Please let me past.

Or next time I’ll might go all crazy butterfly with paddles and fins and splashy water and aggression and stuff and one of us is going down,

And I won’t care if you are 74.

Swimming meme using Walter from The Big Lebowski movie loading a gun with Lane Swimming Rules - Get Ready Granny as the caption

Related articles:

A Guide to Lane Swimming Etiquette

49 thoughts on “I Touched Your Foot

  1. Pingback: The Return of Furious Bob | LoneSwimmer

  2. I found this recently and it is hilarious. I particularly love the lines “Because I’m not fast, but you are more not fast. And I wanted to get past”. I wrote my own version about running on the track, where there is often a similar problem. I don’t know if you are interested but here it is anyway:
    Thanks for the inspiration and I hope the post gives you enough credit for your idea.


  3. Pingback: I yelled “TRACK!” – differentialgeometri

  4. Oh sweet baby jebus,my husband sent me this and i nearly fell off my chair. My own personal experience( and i’m no man from atlantis but…) lady gets in to share my lane and insists on doing backstroke very sllloooowwly down the middle of the lane…arrgghh


  5. The worst! In Korea the ajumas (old ladies) tend to stop in halfway across the pool to catch their breath and chat with their friends in the other lanes, standing mind you… There are all these great pools that were built for the ’88 Olympics, but they only fill them half way. They say it’s for ‘safety’ so nobody drowns. The hazardous part is climbing down a ladder into a meter of water. Also the water temp is high even for a pool. Okay, I’m done now.


    • Thanks Alice. I really enjoyed your article on Champion Women swimmers, and I’m will be mentioning Alice Beckwith briefly in an upcoming post. I’ll be dropping a link across to your article in it.


      • Wonderful – thank you, that’s really lovely to hear – I really enjoyed writing it and it is important to give recognition to these incredible women past and present and a great way to inspire others 🙂 Love your typo too – I wish it was Alice Beckwith but it is Agnes – if I can embody just a thimble of her tenacious London girl swimming spirit then that would be awesome!


  6. Ah the swimmer who just hasn’t a clue…when I did lunch time swims in the public pool, there were a few of these fine characters. That’s why pool sessions with a club are SO much better. Niall, Dublin SC


  7. Nice!

    I experienced the joy of some rotten old man who was upset I was getting his hat wet. He was in the lane(s) next to me doing water aerobics and I dared to flip-turn and get his straw hat wet. Yes, he wore a straw hat indoors. The first time I thought it was a mistake. The second time I knew it wasn’t so stopped and told him to bugger off (but with more polite words). The third incident, when he timed his splashing of me to sync with the exact moment I was turning my head to breath, was the final straw. I spoke with the lifeguard who kicked him out.


        • Well thanks you, but really the posts into which I have put the most work and of which I am most proud are usually some of the least viewed posts on the site. That’s where my confusion comes from. But I do understand that a quick laugh is probably more popular than hanging my soul out in public. It would be great if I could write more humour as they are always popular, but despite this one aberration, most of my attempts are hard work and the ideas rare.


          • It’s because it resonated with so many people who are constantly frustrated by the lack of manners and consideration of some people who use swimming pools


          • Yes, thanks, you are right, it’s certainly something we all experience. It’s not a subject I like to return to too often though, as it’s a bit like fishing from a barrel, most times it would be too easy a subject.


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